Happy New Year….Say It Back

Did I leave your mind while I was gone?

I decided to pull an old school Shonda and say ‘yes’ to two vacations that happened this month. I almost turned down both opportunities due to fear and discomfort. I am an introvert who would prefer not to ‘touch grass’ but because I was invited by people who love me, I wasn’t given much of a choice. Every practical reason I could come up with was met with a solution or alternative.

December was mostly an anxiety blur and any free time I had was spent in bed trying to outrun my thoughts. At some point I both stopped taking care of myself while simultaneously worrying about the effects of not taking care of myself. I only really traveled for work last year and apparently conferences aren’t a vacation. By the time I was invited to start my year in two warm weather places, I was both desperate to leave and fearful that it couldn’t happen.

During these vacations, I was surrounded by people who loved me and cared about my well-being. I was able to read, breathe and journal. At one point, my niece joined me for a night journaling session before we went to sleep. I spent quiet time with my people and no one raised an eyebrow when I spent quiet time by myself. Having the space to exist without expectations that make you feel heavy is something I wish for everyone.

And now we are in a new year. I am back to work and back in the snow. I’m encouraged though. Snow don’t last always and I finally feel ready to stop borrowing trouble.

So…keep reading and please bear with me. I believe most of life experiences aren’t linear but it’s difficult to remember that while I am in the middle of it.